A Funny Story About our Alcoholic Neighbors

     I am not going to give the names of these two individuals that are the subject of this story, because one of them is still alive, and this is not a very flattering story of their behavior that evening. We knew they were having some problems getting along with each other because we had seen the police over at their house several times lately.  This story begins with a phone call one night at about eleven o’clock.  So the phone rang one night somewhere around eleven o’clock.  I had already fallen asleep.  So it startled me when the phone rang and I immediately thought it must be Menard Manor calling me about some maintenance problem.  So I answered the phone thinking it would be the manor.  But, instead some man shouted, “What the hell are you calling me at this time of night?”   At first I was startled and confused.  I even thought about apologizing for calling him before I came to my senses.  I said, “ Wait a minute.  I didn’t call you.  You called me”.  He said,“Who is this?”  I told him that this was his neighbor, John Pierce.  He said,  “ Oh, I did!  I guess I am getting off on the wrong foot with my neighbor.  I am sorry.for calling you so late”.  I told him that was alright.  But I could tell that he was drunk as a skunk and would probably never remember calling me or having this conversation.  

     So a few days went by.  At the time I was leveling my old house so I could remodel the kitchen for Loveta.  I had been working on the foundation all day.  We had just finished eating supper and we were getting ready to sit down and watch some television.  All of a sudden Loveta said that our neighbor lady was on our sidewalk coming to our front door and she was walking like she was totally plastered.  Like totally drunk.  She started beating on the door and yelling, “Let me in.  He is going to kill me.”  We let her in and locked the door.  She was scared to death.  She kept saying that if he gets in, he is going to kill her.  She told us to call the police.  We did.  About that time, Her husband started pounding on the front door.  I was afraid he was going to break the door down.  I ask If he had a gun and she said no.  So I went out the side door and confronted him and told him to quit beating on my door.  I told him not to bring his troubles over here.  He apologized and we sat down on the porch and started visiting.  I could tell he was extremely intoxicated.  But, the thing that shocked me the most was that he was barefooted.  Now this was right in the middle of the summer and that day it had gotten over a hundred degrees.  Yet he had walked about three hundred feet and across the extremely hot pavement to get to our house.  As drunk as he was, it was hard to believe that he had been able to walk that far.  Especially barefooted.  He was very upset because he wanted to use his pickup to go get some more booze and his wife would not tell him where the keys were.  About that time, the police got there.  He had been to their house several times in the past week or two.  He was extremely kind and patient with them.  So, the wife and Loveta stepped out on the front porch when they saw the police were there.  So, the policeman asked them what the problem was and he said he wanted to use his pickup and she would not tell him where the key was.  She said that was a lie.  She said I don’t even know where my keys are.  So, the policeman said let’s go home and they said, “How are we going to get home.”   He told them to get in his patrol car and he would drive them across the street to their house.  So, Loveta,myself and the policemen started leading them out to the car and the husband turned to us and said , “It’s hell not having no shoes on.”  After they finally left, Loveta and I began to think about how comical they were together.  We could never figure out how the husband could stand to walk across that hot pavement without burning his feet. It has been about eight or nine years since this happened and we still get a good laugh out of it. So, I just thought I would share this funny memory and I hope everyone enjoys it as much as Loveta and I have.